His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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