Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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