k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
a search helicopter?!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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