you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
