Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
