Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
