Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
