just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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