Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
