Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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