We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
