Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
