Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
