I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
