my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
