Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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