if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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