oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You pole danced in your parka.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
