Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
