Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
