Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
