OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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