My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
