Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
