Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
