I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
