hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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