if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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