So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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