party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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