Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
