The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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