If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
