Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
