I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
