i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
