did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
