So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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