I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
