Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Green mimosas i think yes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the liver wants what the liver wants
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
