i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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