make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
