Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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