Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
