I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
