My nipple is on Facebook.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
