Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
