OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
