So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
