Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
