Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
