we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
